Today was my first day back at work. Although I love my job, it is something I have dreaded since I had my little man. Even though it's not an option for me to stay at home, it didn't make the process any easier to deal with. I have lived in some form of denial for 6 weeks now (half my time off) and then on Monday it hit me - I only have a few full days left with my sweet boy before I have to leave him. That brought my head out of the sand and the tears down my cheeks. Each night I would get upset, thankful for the day I had with him but sad that it was over.
But there was something I couldn't deny today...God's blessings. Not just the big ones (like my son) but all the little intricate details He coordinated today for me. Case in point, I had a most endearing text message from my boss last night making sure I was OK. How many can say their boss would even care enough to do the same? Then my son went to bed at 10pm and slept till 6am. That has NEVER happened! I still woke up a few times out of expectation but overall was able to get a good night sleep. When I got up this morning, the hubbie was uber sweet, getting up early with me to help as much as he could, warming up my car, helping me carry all the stuff to the car, etc. As I'm getting in to the car I start to tear up and know it's going to be a long 15 minute commute. But who should call? A great friend. She also was on her way to work and wanted to check on me. She distracted me so I didn't break down and she was also able to empathize with how I felt. My little man fell asleep in the car so it helped me when I had to leave him, knowing he was happily sleeping and snug. When I make it to work (2 minutes later, the sitter is 1 mile from the office - another blessing) everyone is excited to see me. Even the cafeteria ladies are happy to see me. Now while I don't need to be patted on the back, it's great to feel loved and my office helped with that today. Everyone was welcoming, helpful and understanding.
Charlie had a good day and managed to sleep almost the entire time (really? He never does that with me!). While I was disconcerted at first, I realized it was a blessing because it meant he was happy and safe or he wouldn't have felt comfortable enough to sleep. He was happy as a clam when we got home with lots of smiles.
So as I look back on the day, while I could have focused on how bad my feet hurt in heels (umm, in less than 5 minutes of having them on I might add), the fact I couldn't fit in my pants and had to use a rubberband to hold them up, the sadness, how tired I am or how much I missed my little man, I couldn't deny how God was with me. My day could have been so much worse but God chose to help orchestrate others to help me get through the first tough day. A parent's love is so strong; God's love is even stronger for us.
This evening, with the feeling of sadness coming back, I had a great talk with the Hubbie about all the emotions I had today and vice versa. Don't forget it's also hard for dad when mom goes back to work. Then we decided to say a prayer of thanks for the blessings instead of focusing on the negatives. It's not in the cards for me to stay home but God did help ease the burden. Thank you, Lord. I couldn't have made it through the day without You.
Give your burdens to the Lord, and he will take care of you. He will not permit the godly to slip and fall. - Psalm 55:22