Reflections of 2018

Over the past week I've been very reflective.  So much so that I had good intentions of writing this post on Monday but wasn't ready quite yet. I've been thinking about 2018. How I thought it would look. How I expected it to be. And how completely different it ended up becoming.

But boy was it wonderful. Despite the many ups and downs, I can't help but look back on 2018 and be ever so grateful that God blessed us. He comforted us...grew us...and just loved on us. 

I started thinking of early January 2018. I was working crazy hours, traveling 50-60% and under a tremendous amount of stress at work. However, we had also just spent our first Christmas at home. While we missed seeing my parents and extended family on Christmas, we had a lovely, quiet Christmas with just our little family and Carmen. 

Fast forward just two weeks in to January 2018 and we were knocked down with the sudden death of my mother-in-law. I don't think you can ever really fully prepare for a death of a loved one. A sudden one is even more shocking. How special it was that we were able to spend a quite Christmas with her. 

Through the shock, Daniel and I were reminded just how loved she was. And not only that, how loved we are. Friends brought food. Friends took our kids so we could take a breath. My parents dropped everything and were there in just 8 hours (and they live over 5 hours away!). Friends prayed for us. There were even special ones that came and participated in her funeral or preached for Daniel the next Sunday. It still feels a bit surreal that she's gone. While we miss her dearly, we celebrate her homecoming and the love poured out from it. 

Move to February and March where Daniel and I both have job changes. Daniel left an industry he's known for 20 years, fitness. I also changed clients (long story that won't be aired here) and stopped traveling. While it took me a good 6 months to decompress from the work stress, it was a blessing these changes occurred. Carmen played a key role in my ability to travel without feeling completely like a horrible mom.  

In April, Daniel achieved something very dear to both of us. He graduated with his Master's in Divinity. This not only was a huge accomplishment, but one accomplished over years and years of hard work. I was every so proud to watch him walk across the stage!

And what was even more fun was surprising him with a gift he never suspected. It's now affectionately known as "The Blueberry" around here. 

What was also very unexpected this year were the fun trips, either with friends or as a family or double bonus - both. There are summer trips we always try to take with my parents - a trip to the Mountains of NC, Pirate Invasion weekend in Beaufort, NC and our annual Raleigh visit for a NC State football game. Those we all made again this year and are cherished traditions we have with the kids that I know builds lifetime memories. 

But I feel like the Lord knew we needed some extra family time this year and blessed us with a few more adventures. I got to take the kids to my parents (they were away on a trip of their own) and have one of my besties join us with her family during the Big Rock fishing tournament (mackerel fishing). 

Since we started families, we haven't had a trip together! So this was really fun to experience.  

And perhaps the biggest surprise and adventure this year was our surprise (to the kids) trip to Disney. 

I can't help but believe that God knew we needed a little extra fun this year. It's reminded me that life is so short and that we need to live in the present. But even more so, it's not just about the "gotta do's". 

While I don't make resolutions, I am committed to creating even more fun memories for our family this year. It doesn't have to be fancy to be a fun memory. It can be as simple as saying "yes" when they want to help cook dinner or playing a board game or often in our case, play football in the front yard. But I also want to remember to take new adventures that create fun memories. I'm already thinking what that could look like for us this year. 

So while we are still unsure what our future holds, we are excitedly awaiting to see what God brings us in 2019 for Schrallville. We know that His plan is perfect for us and we can't wait to see what it is! 

Learning from Regrets

If we are friends, you know that I've not blogged in a while because of work. I took on more responsibilities with a client and it required travel and most of my energy. What little energy I had left went straight to my family. All my hobbies and outlets took a backseat for a while. 

That's since transitioned so now, if I feel so inspired, I want to pick up the proverbial pen again and blog here and there. Maybe I'll do a house update soon for fun. 

For today though, it's about a much deeper topic than food or design. It goes along with my faith and is a tough lesson I recently learned. In January my mother-in-law, Carmen AKA "Mimi" died suddenly at the age of 70. She had a heart attack from an enlarged heart. She hated doctors so she never went and thus never knew about her heart condition. 

It's been a huge blow to our family. The loss has been felt on a daily basis and in some ways, it's still surreal. I still look out the window and expect to see her pulling in the driveway.

Now those of you who are close to me may think "she drove you crazy, though. Right?"

Yes. She drove me nuts.  On a regular basis. It was not secret and I know I drove her crazy too.

We were COMPLETE opposites in almost every way. That drove us to have quite the numerous amount of differences on a consistent basis. As in daily. Those differences started even from the beginning. 

Daniel and I had counseling early on in our marriage over all the differences and how best to set boundaries, address the issues and manage the family relationships. The Lord healed and restored our family. 

But that's not the point of this blog (although it's a great topic). 

The point of this blog is to share what I learned  through her death and what I wish I had done differently. It's always easier to see things after the fact. You know the old "hindsight is 20/20" adage. 

 

1. Don't let differences skew your view of their true character. 

I often focused on the frustration she caused me THAT DAY versus remembering her heart condition and WHY she did what she did. 

When we were at the funeral, I was overwhelmed by the amount of people that came to pay their respects. People from all over came to share how much she blessed their lives. The Banker who cried when we went by to take care of some estate business. She had just brought them cookies two days earlier. The sweet lady who cleans and helps at the local Chick-fil-A where Carmen was always kind to her. Teachers from the preschool where she spent volunteer time, often praying and encouraging them. 

The list goes on and on.  I had no idea she was praying weekly with a school prayer group specifically for my boys. I only focused on the moment, our differences or her quirkiness that I found weird at times. I often forgot to see how much she loved, encouraged and prayed for everyone around her, now matter how they played a part in her life. 

2. Give grace. 

I was so frustrated two days before she died because she asked if she could pick up some chocolate drink mix. I said yes but to bring it next time she came over. I didn't want her coming back over later that night because it was getting late. That was more selfish on my part. She instantly went and bought the mix and took it to Daniel at work, knowing she was going around my wishes. Did my wishes really matter? Nope. And that annoyed me. I even called her to ask her why she couldn't just wait to give it to us later. 

In hindsight, it was just my controlling nature and it frustrated me. I neglected to see that she was just eager to help. I was quick to react and let my emotions frustrate me rather than give grace. 

That's the last interaction I had with Carmen. 

Before you react or blow something out of proportion, ask yourself, will this really matter in a month, in a year, in several years?

 

3. Accept your differences. 

It's OK to have differences! Differences teach. Our differences often taught me patience. They taught me how to be more compassionate. They taught me more about forgiveness. 

I learned to accept that she and I were complete opposites. It didn't mean it was always easy, don't get me wrong. But in accepting we were different, it allowed for our family to heal and function together. If you need a little time to calm your emotions, take it. But don't let it go on for too long.  

4. Remember who else is involved. 

So often we let the differences between family members separate us. I'm not talking about life threatening, unsafe or other very unhealthy situations. I'm talking about the typical family squabbles. And we had our share! She almost didn't come to our wedding it was so bad! Too many times we blow them up to such an epic proportion that it becomes easier to distance ourselves than deal with the issue. 

If we had not let God heal our family, my boys would have missed out on someone who loved them unconditionally. They would have missed out on her quirkiness, on her Cuban cooking (that they still ask for), on her silliness, on her loving back scratches, on singing silly songs together, on snuggles...on her love. 

5. You can't get time back. 

Carmen died on a Wednesday morning. I remember distinctly thinking Tuesday night as I cleaned up dinner "I should have invited her for tacos tonight. Tacos are her favorite. I need to let go that she annoyed me yesterday and have her over tomorrow." 

Guess what? It was too late. She died the very next morning. 

We always think we have more time. 

If you have long standing differences with a family member, don't wait to work on reconciliation. We don't know what the next day will bring. Your frustration today is not worth holding on to in the grand scheme of things. Take it from me. It may not be easy but you will never regret working towards harmony. 

"Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone." 

(Romans 12: 17-18)

We love her and will always miss her. 

What I learned from my recent miscarriage

I debated rather to write about this publicly. Many of our close friends, coworkers, clients and family already know but it's always vulnerable to put it "in cyber space"...but I felt God prompting me to. 

Here's a bit about my history...my first child (from a previous marriage) was born at 26 weeks and lived for only 2 months. Most likely I had an incompetent cervix. I had to painstakingly make the decision to turn off the machines when his tiny 2lb body just couldn't thrive any longer. I held Jake in my arms as he took his last breath. I'll never ever forget it. I can pull up that night in my head in an instant and remember whispering "go with God, He'll take care of you now" as I rocked him. 

After Jake died, I got pregnant again (again, in my previous marriage) and as I was going through the pre-op for the cerclage (that's where they stitch your cervix so you can sustain a pregnancy), the doctor did an ultrasound. At 16 weeks I learned I had had a miscarriage. Devastating. 

Fast forward many, many years and two little boys later, it's January of this year and we learned, shockingly, that I was pregnant. I say shockingly because I already suffer from PCOS (poly cystic ovary syndrome) which means, among other lovely side affects, I don't ovulate regularly. In November the doctor tested me and said I wasn't likely ovulating since my cycles were 35 days apart (anything over 32 usually means you're not). True enough my hormone levels were too low to say I was ovulating. Daniel also has diagnosed fertility issues with his swimmers. Let's just say not all of them are mature enough to swim in the deep end. 

We had already tried for a year...or as Daniel liked to put it "we weren't preventing". He wasn't 100% on board with the third child idea but willing to let God work if that was what He wanted for our family. So with the test and the time "not preventing" we just assumed it wasn't in God's will for our lives. Despite feeling for a few years that our family wasn't complete, I accepted it wholeheartedly. I was already blessed with two fantastic little boys. So we sold or donated all of our baby gear. Neither of us felt that going to the fertility specialist again was necessary either. So we got rid of everything and I mentally shifted gears to being a four person family. 

Back to recent events...This pregnancy was normal as far as I could tell. We saw the heartbeat at 8 weeks and I had all the normal symptoms. Essentially I hibernated for 7 weeks because I was too nauseous and tired to do anything else. The nausea tapered off around 10.5 weeks but the rest of the symptoms remained. 

Imagine our surprise when we go to the 12 week appointment (which was later than normal due to spring break) and we hear "this isn't a normal pregnancy" as they are doing another ultrasound. In fact, it wasn't a pregnancy at all. The heartbeat was gone and nothing was even barely visible. 

I was devastated.

Deep down I had a constant nagging feeling that I needed to see the heartbeat again at 12 weeks to really feel excited. Maybe that was mother's intuition kicking in. 

We left the doctor's office and as soon as we were in the car we both wept. How could this happen? God gave us a pregnancy we thought was impossible. God changed Daniel's heart to be ecstatic and joyful when we learned I was pregnant. The boys were thrilled about being a big brother and having a baby  in mommy's tummy. Our house was settled and could accommodate a third child. I bought a minivan last fall for pete sake! 

I admit, I was bitter. I was angry. I was confused. In a matter of three months I went from being completely at  peace being a family of four to the shock of being pregnant (along with all the symptoms) and then excited my dream was coming true to feeling empty. 

On Friday I was numb. On Saturday I had a complete meltdown. I essentially was a grown-up toddler mad, frustrated and angry that this happened. I asked myself: What was the point? I was perfectly content with our two beautiful boys if that was God's will. Why would I get pregnant and get my hopes up only to take them away? 

I knew Sunday would be hard. I knew going to church on Sunday would be hard. Ironically it was three days after learning we lost the pregnancy. I was supposed to be joyful celebrating that Jesus has risen. My family was in town and we had an Easter lunch at our house along with the kid's joy in getting their Easter baskets. I was dreading it. I walked in to the sanctuary and instantly teared up. I walked to get tissues and ran in to friends who were kind and understanding. I cried more. I wasn't OK. 

During the service I tried to stay numb. But then we stood up to sing "In Christ Alone" one of my favorite hymns. I remember muttering "oh great, of course it's this song", still feeling angry. And then I started to sing. It was then that I had a choice. I could stay bitter and angry at God or I could trust His character and rest in Him. 

So I raised my hand in praise and sang, as best I could through tears, "In Christ alone, my cornerstone...here in the blood of Christ I stand". It was there that I let go of the bitterness and anger. I chose to praise Him in this storm. 

"In the day when I cried out, You answered me, and made me bold with strength in my soul."   ~Psalm 138:3

I may never understand why we had a miscarriage this time. But I can always trust in Jesus, His character and His love for me. And that's enough. 

Hippity-Hop

Easter has come and gone...Mother's Day has come and gone and Memorial Day is almost here. I seriously cannot let myself post a blog update on one holiday out of order. I have to do it in order. It's a weird quirk. 

So without further ado let's talk about our Easter albeit a few weeks late. 

I had already planned on taking part of Good Friday off and we invited their best little friends over for an Easter Egg Hunt. There are "the blondes"...

and "the brunettes"...

And of course Miss Ava. Cole loves him some Ava. Here they are all waiting for the hunt to start. 

I took 150 eggs and stuffed them with candy the night before while I was watching TV. That may seem like a lot but when you have 5 kids on the hunt, you want it to last longer than 2 minutes. I also made buckets with their names on them (thanks to the Dollar Store and a sharpie). They were seriously SO excited! As I was hiding the eggs (and before the Majures got there), Charlie and Cole followed me. It was their first true Easter Egg Hunt. Charlie was literally shivering with excitement and kept saying "this is the best day ever!!" Talk about a boost to a mom's ego! 

And off they went! 

I love this picture of Cole near a tree. It makes me want to scoop him up and give him a giant squeeze. 

I hid eggs all over in both front and back yards plus on the porch. It was a giant free for all and because there were so many to find, everyone felt like they were getting a lot. 

I did hide one special egg.  I told them that the special egg was a special reminder of why we celebrate Easter - Jesus. On the third day, the tomb was found empty so that's why the special egg is the empty egg (inside it said "He is risen!"). Cole and Christopher found the special egg up in the swing set. They were so proud! 

Charlie surprised me with how "in to" the Easter egg hunt he was - I mean he was all about getting as many eggs as he could. He is fiercely competitive and this was right up his alley. Check out his bucket...he found a pocket of eggs under the magnolia tree and was super focused. 

They all had a blast when the last eggs (or so we thought) were found and we headed back to divvy up the loot. Charlie could barely carry his bucket it was so full. 

When it was all said and done we shared all the eggs so everyone got the same amount. 

Once again, Charlie surprised me with his focus. He took all his eggs, emptied the candy out one by one in a pile and then put the candy back in his bucket. That's all he wanted to do. I mean just look at that happy smile! That expression is total happiness. 

Then there was Cole who opened each of his eggs and ate as fast as he opened. #opposites  Seriously, he had chocolate dripping off his chin and his mouth was stuffed. 

I was so thankful that the rain held off that day because it sure did pour the rest of the weekend. But no worries, I had already planned another fun activity for a rainy day - dying Easter eggs! Last year this was a huge hit for both boys so it was no surprise this was a hit again this year. 

I strategically planned it right after naps so they would wake up and it would instantly take the cranky's out. They each had their own station. This mama ain't stupid. The last thing I want is a flying cup of dye when they start to fight over the same color! 

Cole had a blast being able to "do it his self". I heard "LOOK MOM! It's blue!" or "LOOK MOM! It's pink!" He talked the entire time and loved it. 

Charlie was even more in to mixing colors and seeing what he could get. I just doing "arts and crafts" as we call them, with the boys. I want my boys to tap in to their creative sides and keep that imagination growing. As you can see, I don't really worry if their hands and fingers get in the dye. I put down Press N Seal all over the island so that if it spilled or dripped, it didn't matter. 

I think the eggs turned out beautiful and we ate a good majority of them the next day for part of our Easter Sunday lunch. Slightly colored deviled eggs make me smile. 

Here they are all dressed and ready for church on Sunday morning. They were super excited that we were going to ride the bus to church. That's how I tore them away from their Easter baskets to get dressed; the promise of riding a cool bus. Really it was us parking in a shopping center beside our church and riding the shuttle over to make room for all the visitors. But to them, it was a super fun adventure. I love that they love going to church on Sunday morning and as Charlie says "learning about Jesus". 

It was a super fun weekend filled with all kinds of activities. Of course I didn't even think to get a family picture that weekend. Go figure! But perhaps my best memory, aside from Charlie saying at each activity "this is the best ever, mom!" was when he told their sitter on Monday that we celebrated Easter that weekend because "Jesus died and rose from the dead!" I was proud he remembered the real reason and wasn't just caught up in the candy and eggs. Boy do they grow up fast!!

See mom! I did get pictures posted for you...just a few days weeks late.  

I think the Easter Egg Hunt will have to be an annual thing. It was just too fun to put together and watch not to. Anyone else have a favorite annual tradition for Easter? 

A Painful Growth

That's sort've a gross title, huh? Makes you think I need to have some oozing malformation cut off.  Well don't worry, it's not a post about any physical ailments I may have. This growth is spiritual. 

A couple of months ago I remember saying "Lord, I feel stagnant. Why aren't you growing me? I need to keep growing." Then as quickly as I said it, I fanned the air. You know, in hopes that it never reached God's ears. That's what a friend always says "oh girl, you better fan the air and hope that doesn't reach heaven!"  Seriously, I knew as soon as I said it I regretted it. 

Over the course of the last few weeks I have become increasingly dissatisfied...frustrated...ho-hum...blah...you get the picture. Daniel kept telling me to smile and stop frowning. Others kept asking what was wrong. The answer? I don't know! 

I had everything I've wanted - plenty of house/decorating projects to stimulate me; work has been slow so I've had plenty of time to balance work-life; normal sleep for the most part; happy marriage; great close friendships. Seriously, everything that usually fills me with joy was there. But why wasn't I happy? 

Now I do know that happiness is a feeling. A reaction to situations and often fleeting. Maybe I should say I wasn't joyous or content. That's a whole different ball of wax. Joy and contentment are a state of being in my opinion. Something you are (or are not) for a sustained period of time. But why wasn't I? 

I told Daniel last week that I may need to go see a doctor because I was starting to worry I was depressed. But there was still something in me that knew it wasn't depression. I had postpartum depression with Cole and I remember what that felt like. Sort've like I was drowning in a sea of negativity with no life jacket. This wasn't the same. I just didn't find joy in anything. Even a night out with the hubby or a friend wasn't doing it. Sure there were moments but they passed quickly. I was getting increasingly frustrated which made it that much worse. 

As I mentioned in this post, I am trying to read through the Bible in a year for the first time ever. I'm notorious for starting a bible study and letting life overwhelm me so I stop. Sometimes I finish them but most of the time I stop short. Having a "quiet time" (essentially spending time in His word and with God every day) is something I've always struggled with as a Christian. I could list a thousand reasons but in reality and if I'm honest, they are just excuses as to why I hadn't prioritized it. I pray often. I always want to follow His will for my life and our family's life. I have a very strong faith. But I didn't spend time with Him in His word often. 

I think I thought it had to be a certain way. You know, like every morning before the kids got up and if you didn't do it then, you didn't do it right. Well that never happened for me so I would just give up. 

That brings me back to my funk. Out of frustration and let's face it, because I had been slack and was behind in my reading goals, I sat down Saturday morning and read my bible. I started reading just to catch up but then it became more than that. I wouldn't say there was a specific moment but somehow it changed to me wanting to read over all the other little things happening in our house or the "to do" list. 

That was the turnaround for me. I was back to myself the remainder of the day and have been since. It was as if God was saying enough is enough. No more excuses. He is showing me that my contentment and joy come from Him and nothing else. Not my hobbies. Not my family. Not my job. Not my marriage. From Him and Him alone. And that means spending time in His word every day. 

I think it took God giving me all the little things I thought I craved or lacked and me still not feeling content for that wake up call to come. I already knew my joy and contentment came from Him but this time He's showing me that it also includes spending time in His word. It's not ironic that I committed, and fully committed, to the bible reading plan that was passed out in December. It was the first plan I've seen that made sense and didn't seem overwhelming. 

If only I wasn't so stubborn and could have learned this weeks ago! I could easily get caught up in what all the "experts" say is the proper way but I'm choosing not to put myself in that box. The important thing is that it happens every day. No matter when, no matter how. God won't care as long as it happens. 

Spiritual growth is painful. Sometimes even a hard lesson for those of us who are ahem...stubborn and maybe even a little prideful. And just for the record...its so much more fun to watch someone else (and by someone else I mean my spouse) go through spiritual growth than to go through it yourself! But I know from past experience it's very worth it on the other side. Oh how the tables have turned in Schrallville. 

If you're interested in a copy of the reading plan, let me know. It's not too late to get started! Anyone else going through some growing pains lately???? Or am I the only one? 

crickets...crickets...

End of Year Random Musings

I'll go ahead and tell you that this post isn't about anything. It's more of a compilation of all the thoughts floating through my head over the last few days.

OK so maybe I should warn you it's probably going to be scary too. It's not always pretty inside my head.

After we returned from our Christmas traveling through North Carolina to visit my family (I owe a post about that by the way), it was nice to come home to our new house. It just feels right. Like we're supposed to be here for a long time. All warm and fuzzy. No seriously, it was fuzzy. There was dog hair and pine needles everywhere. That's what happens when you leave for a week with two furry creatures and an un-watered Christmas tree.

I've seen lots of people posting about when to take down Christmas decorations. I take them down immediately after Christmas. I like to start the New Year off with a clean slate. But I also like to put my decorations out as soon as Thanksgiving is over. I've been known to start busting them out just before Turkey Day. So I still get a long season of decorations in the house. I normally do a lot of purging and cleaning during the take-down process but since we just moved in, that was already done.

Christmas decorations down and put away. Check.

It's been fun watching the kids re-discover their toys while having 6 days at home to play and relax. For New Year's Eve we invited Anna M and her family over for dinner. This house makes me want to entertain. We (the Anna's) stayed in the kitchen gabbing while the kids ran amuck and the hubby's watched football and played with sparklers. Check out 3 of the five cuties enjoying some counter time. (for some reason they love sitting on the kitchen counter and watching the little TV)

I also got a glimpse of what I should be saving money for in the future. Bail. Apparently my oldest (that would be Charlie) is quite the pyro junkie. He got his first taste of sparklers and poppers and it was instant love.

Cole was having a blast too but didn't quite have the same fascination Charlie had. How cute is Cole's expression in this picture?

It's been fun having the time off to spend with family. This Christmas, perhaps more than in the past, has been especially fun, maybe because the joy the kids have is contagious. It's made me that much more appreciative of our little family and the love and joy we have with each other. That has me reflective in a good way.

Speaking of reflections, I've seen lots of posts about resolutions. This is always the time of year people reflect and/or pick one or two things they want to do in the new year. Me? I don't make resolutions. I like to set goals instead. (maybe that's the same thing? I don't know. The word resolutions has a negative/let me break it connotation to me) 

My first goal, which I feel is very doable, is to read the Bible all the way through this year. I've never done that before. Our church gave out a very practical schedule that breaks it up in various chapters. This is probably my most important goal of the year because I know it will have a profound positive affect on me.

I don't know why it's so surprising to me but it seems that this year the news is on steroids with the weight loss/nutrition/fitness coverage. It's a common New Years Resolution for many. I get it. For me, I am trying to ignore most of the media coverage and not focus on a number, a food habit or the quick fix. It's a slippery slope for me. Instead my goal is to become more consistent again in my workouts. I generally do well in this area but have slipped off due to the holiday schedule.

I'm excited about 2014. I really feel like there will be exciting changes in our little family's lives. Some big. Some small. Possible job changes, potty training, new adventures...the list goes on. And it's not just my Poly-Anna attitude. I can feel it in my spirit. I mean who can blame me when you have these three cuties around?

Anyone else looking at 2014 with excitement? Are you a resolution maker?

Don't miss the little blessings

I'm not going to lie. It's been a rough few months. If packing up your house, renting your home, renovating a newly purchased house all while working full time and having toddlers isn't enough...then they get sick during the last move.

Now I'm not trying to boast but I'm one tough cookie. I can handle a lot of things physically and mentally. Having lost a child after 2 months in the NICU and then suffering a miscarriage which all subsequently led to a divorce. in my 20's...you learn to hold your own and have a different perspective on life.

So on the day before we are scheduled to move in to our new house and when I learn we still can't walk on the floors, don't have counters or appliances...Cole starts throwing up...and I'm starting to crumble. So much so that several friends and even my mom were calling me regularly to make sure I was OK. Tall building (or drink) here I come. Whichever I can find first.

On the first night we are supposed to stay in the new house (Sunday...Saturday was too hectic) the boys are just completely out of sorts. They were super excited to sleep in their new toddler beds...in theory. When it came down to it, the new house and new beds had them spooked. So we marched back over to the temporary house at 9:30p (me in my nightgown and Daniel's shoes because I couldn't find mine) where their cribs were still set up and the three of us slept there (Daniel stayed back). It was not a pretty sight.

The next night it took me 2 hours to get them to go to sleep. During that time, and after finding out that Cole had a severe ear infection now from the virus which is why he wouldn't sleep, I found myself trying every trick in the book. Calmly I kept trying to get them to calm down and go to sleep (Cole's back in his crib by the way). Then I realized...there was a blessing here.

Picture me exhausted, needing a shower, so stressed I want to cry and attempting to get two out-of-sorts toddlers to sleep in their new environment. We were sitting in our big red reading chair (seen here when they were much younger)...

...and we started singing. I sang all the nursery rhymes the boys like to hear - Old McDonald, London Bridges, Working on the Railroad, etc. - and Charlie starts to sing with me. My favorite was when we sang Jesus Loves Me together. It was a little blessing from God to say "you can do this...I will see you through this craziness that is your life right now." Just hearing your 3yr old sing those sweet words "Jesus loves me, this I know" reminded me that He is with me.

Then a few days later I touch base with my boss on my salary and yet again, God blesses me through work with a substantial raise. Just in time to pay off our renovation costs and the new mortgage. Another little blessing that gave me encouragement to keep trying.

It was enough to make me go for a run the next day since I'm still training for the USMC Mudrun coming up in a few weeks. Those endorphins combined with these blessings kept me moving forward.

Perhaps the icing on the cake was at the grocery store. Don't you hate when you go through the line with a huge cart of groceries only to remember you forgot something important? Well that was me. So I ran back and grabbed it and stood in line again. When it was my turn the lady behind me PAID for my items. She said that someone did that for her the other day and she was paying it forward.

I literally teared up. I knew it was yet another blessing that God gave me to encourage me.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. - Jeremiah 29:11

So when you feel like you just can't make it another day. You're looking for that tall building. Or you just want to stop and have your nervous breakdown. Stop and think about how God may be blessing you. Sometimes it's all in how you look at it. How have you missed some of God's little blessings of encouragement in your life?

 

Just keep swimming...just keep swimming...just keep swimming, swimming, swimming...

There are days where you are just running on empty. I like to call those days “Just Keep Swimming Days” because I say that over and over to myself. You’ll get that reference if you have kids or are around kids on a regular basis. I seem to be having a few weeks of that lately and just when I think it might slow, it gets worse. But that’s just the season of life we’re in right now.  As a working mom, it doesn’t help when so many other things are pulling all your energy (especially mental energy) away from what matters most. So for the days when I feel like I just don't think I have it in me to read one more story; watch Cars, Cars 2 or Monsters Inc. one more time; plan one more meal; or fold one more load of clothes. For the days when I think everyone else has it together and I’m about to snap.

For those days. You know the ones.

1.   I shall not judge my house, my kid's birthday parties or my crafting skills by Pinterest's standards.

2.   I shall not measure what I've accomplished today by the loads of dirty clothes or unfolded laundry but by the assurance of deep love I've tickled into my kids.

3.   I shall not condemn myself when I choose take out for dinner instead of cooking, even if it is back to back.  

4.   I shall say yes to blanket forts and see past the chaos and the "to do list" to the memories we're building.

5.   I shall surprise my kids with trips to get ice cream when they’ve already had some today.

6.   I shall not compare myself to other mothers but find my identity in the God who trusted me with these kids in the first place.

7.   I shall remember that a messy house at peace is better than an immaculate house tied up in knots.

8.   I shall play music loudly and teach my kids the joy of wildly uncoordinated dance. Can anyone say “dance party”?

9.   I shall remind myself that perfect is simply a street sign at the intersection of Impossible and Frustration in Never Never Land.

10. I shall remember not to sweat the small stuff. It won’t matter in the long run.

11. I shall promise to love this body that bore these two children, stretched skin and all.

12. I shall give my other mommy friends the gift of judgment-free friendship.

13. I shall admit to my friends my less than finer moments, for which there are many.

14. I shall say sorry when sorry is necessary.

15. I pray God I shall never be too proud, angry or stubborn to ask for my children's forgiveness and admit when I’m wrong.

16. I shall try to remember that it’s not always about having perfect manners all the time, especially with boys in the house.

17. I shall love Jesus and pray my children will see Him in me through my actions and words.

18. I shall love their father and make sure they know I love and respect him.

19. I will make every effort not to be glued to my technology so my kids know I’m available.

20. I shall not resent that last call for kisses and cups of water but remember instead that when I blink they'll all be in college.