Enough is enough. I had a breakdown last Sunday when once
again, my little bit of weight I've lost was gained again. You see, I’ve been
on Weight Watchers for the past 8 weeks (online). Since they switched to the
Points Plus Plan, I've never really been successful but was willing to try since it wasn't expensive. I used to do the “old plan” and lost 20+ lbs each time. I was
determined that I needed to try and get this last 10lbs of baby weight off plus
I had the camaraderie of two friends joining me. But after 8 weeks, I bounced
up and down and in the end only lost .6 lbs. Yes, that’s point 6 pounds. As in not even a full pound.
I've come to accept my changed body after pregnancy. It only
took me 2 years (I’m a slow in acceptance and learning in some areas). I’m not
striving for skinny. I’m looking for a healthy weight and one where I’m comfortable
with myself. I could stand to lose more than 10lbs but 10 is where I’d feel
really good about myself and likely more maintainable. A “low size 12” as I
call it. I already work out consistently (my husband is a wellness
coach/trainer) so fitness isn't my problem. I knew it was diet.
So enough was enough. I finally decided to ask the
nutritionist at the gym to help me. I knew my insulin resistance (I have poly-cystic ovary syndrome or PCOS) was having an effect and well…my age. Big
difference between 34 and 38.
She graciously saw me quickly and gave me a general rule “If
God didn't make it, you shouldn't be eating it.” Think about it…no processed
foods, no breads, no sweets…wait. That was a lot of my diet. Apparently because
of my PCOS/insulin resistance, my body hates me and fights against all efforts
to lose weight. Super. So it will be doubly difficult for me to try and get
this last 10lbs off. But it also felt good for someone to validate that PCOS is
having an effect on my weight loss…well that and all the processed foods.
Calories for me are very different than calories for someone without PCOS.
Armed with some recipes (that I wasn't so sure about) and general
rules in addition to the “If God didn't make it, don’t eat it” rule, off I
started immediately. My exercise goal was to be 30 minutes a day. Every Day.
Day 1: It’s not
so bad. I was prepared for severe limitations in my diet. OK I know that’s not
the outlook I’m supposed to have. I’m supposed to say “I was prepared for a
HEALTHY lifestyle change” but if I’m real…its limitations. Well actually its
denial. I don’t do well with limitations or denial, let’s face it. I eat well today
but am not prepared because I need to hit the grocery store. I’m hungry. (1 hr
of training at gym done)
Day 2: I still
haven’t gone to the grocery store yet so I’m scrounging for food. Eating what
fruit I can find (apples), cheese and deli meat. Sort’ve a Parisian Diet if you
will. I’m grouchy. I walk by and the Easter dark chocolate eggs scream “EAT ME!”
I’m pretty sure they follow me around
the kitchen tormenting me because everywhere I turn, I see them. When I open
the pantry every processed food option starts vying for my attention “look how
delicious I am!” – “no wait! Over here! I’m filled with all kinds of yumminess!”
It’s. Torture. But at least I made it to the grocery store. I keep repeating “weight
loss is more important than …weight loss is more
important than ” But not so important that I don’t have a small
martini. It was worth it.
Day 3: Second day
of eating 2 hard-boiled eggs for breakfast (which I doctored with a little sour
cream, salt and pepper). Not very satisfying but it holds me over. Feeling proud
that I’m doing this. I can do this, right? Might be obsessing a little bit. I've told anyone who will listen that I’m seeing a nutritionist. My husband is a wee
bit tired of it already. Or is he just tired of me being grouchy? I didn't feel
as hungry today because I made kielbasa-bean soup and it tasted really good and
kept me full. I also now have food in the house that I can eat. Tonight I broke
down and made another martini. I needed it mentally. Oh and I ate three of
those M&Ms that were stalking me. That’ll show ‘em! It fixed my craving for
chocolate though and now I can have the discipline to forge on. (1 hr of
training at gym done)
Day 4: I.cannot.eat.another.egg.
I want to cry when I wake up thinking I have to eat another egg and I’m STARVING.
Then I realize that I can eat oatmeal. I even put in a little brown sugar
(whoops). Best oatmeal I've ever had. I have serious addiction issues.
Addiction to processed foods, especially carb filled ones. I’m not making this
up. I really feel like I’m in detox. If there was a Betty Ford Center for carb
addictions, I should be checking in right now. My body is completely revolting
against this new lifestyle. Cole (2.5 yrs) wants a bite of my oatmeal. My first
instinct is to growl at him but I refrain. I’m his mother. I’m supposed to love
and nurture. He wants more. Oh no! He wants more! Is there no stopping this
child!? I manage to let him share with me without biting his little fingers as
he eats each bite from my bowl. I feel better. Healthy carbs have stabilized me.
(I
later learn I wasn't supposed to have the brown sugar and it was feeding my addiction.
Honey or fruit would have been better. Not sure she knew my true mental state
so maybe brown sugar was better!?)
I talked with my nutritionist too. She tells me I have 11
days until the detox is complete and the cravings subside. SEVEN (7!!!) more
days to go. I give myself a pep talk…and look forward to popcorn. It’s all that’s
getting me through the day. I’m counting down the minutes to see the movie
tonight. Not because I want to see Noah or go on a date with my sweet, adorable
husband but because I get popcorn for dinner. No, it’s not technically part of
the nutritional plan but there’s nutrition to lose weight and there’s quality
of life. I need this in order not to kill someone. Oh and the movie was awful…but
the popcorn was heaven. (1 hour of training at gym done)
Day 5: I feel
fantastic! Tons of energy – my cravings are less now that I’m in day 5 and I
even feel inspired to go for 30 minutes of cardio after I spend all morning
cleaning the house and watching the kids. Today is a good day!
Oh wait. I open a new box of Whonu chocolate chip cookies
for the boys. The smell that transcends my nostrils overtakes me. I ate one.
But man! was that a good cookie.
We go on a double date to a new restaurant. I’m prepared to
have a salad, baked potato with limited toppings and a steak. I’m actually
looking forward to it. Low and behold it doesn't work that way here (it’s the
Cowboy Brazilian Steak House where they bring slabs of meat to your table). I
check out their salad bar. Heaven. I see all kinds of foods I like and not just
lettuce and toppings. In fact, it’s mostly not
those items. I pile shrimp, cheese, olives, and artichoke hearts on to my plate.
Plus I have a martini. Ahh. Great food – great company. Feeling better. And I’m
stuffed…
I learned later that I
felt so good today because of the extra calories from the popcorn last night. I
need to increase my calories a little next week.
Day 6: I have a
horrible headache. Day 5 was the only day I haven’t had a headache all week.
See? I told you my body was in full detox mode. I decide to take a nap while
the boys are down instead of workout after church. I’m just too exhausted and
my head is killing me. I’m also making homemade marinara sauce minus the cream
for dinner.
I skip the pasta tonight. The raviolis we cooked weren't very tasty and I realized not worth the processed food calories. Instead I opt
for another Parisian Meal since it’s what I have on hand – olives, mozzarella
cheese, salami and roasted red peppers. Meeting with the nutritionist tomorrow.
I’m a little nervous. This week was hard. I mean HARD. And I wasn't the most
pleasant person to be around. Please don’t let her be disappointed I ate
M&Ms, popcorn and a cookie! Plus I weigh tomorrow.
Success!
I lost 1.8 lbs this week! 80% is probably water weight but I
don’t care. Weight is weight. I also have a little more energy and feel much
less “puffy”. Plus my nutritionist gave me goals that were realistic to work
towards for next week.
- Eat less salt. (yeah, yeah, yeah. I gave up
wine and sugar…salt was the least of my worries last week!)
- Eat ½ cup beans every day (hmmm…must think how I can do this. Need more
recipes.)
- Eat 3 fruits a day (Ok, almost doing that now)
- Prepare my foods in advance. Food prep. Food
prep. Food prep. Especially for lunches at home so I’m not tempted.
- Increase my leafy greens, maybe in the form of a smoothie. (I think I can, I think I can!)
Week 2 here I come!
(as
I try to hold my head high and not think about carbs)
